My kids have two homes

Hey everyone! 

Spring is on its way and it's supposed to be +10 degrees here in Finland this week - and that's a lot after this long winter :) Hopefully all the snowing is behind us now because I'm so ready for spring! My kids are ready for spring as well because it's been a hell of a year for them so far as my kids have two homes. They live with me for the most of the time and two oldest stay at their dad's house for a couple of days per week. My youngest son is only two years young so he basically always stays with me and maybe once a month one night with his dad. I'm sure that will change too in a year or two but for now this is the best arrangement for us all. 

How are kids feeling about their two different homes?

Now that's gonna be a great question as it doesn't have a just one answer. It was super-hard at first back in september when my ex and I got us parents a rental apartment for starters for the first months before I actually and eventually moved out of our family home. I had my youngest son with me at all times but the two oldest ones were either with me or with their dad at our old home, and boy that was hard!! Every night I had to leave to the apartment, they would cry so much :( It was really tough but eventually they got used to it and it was less crying at nights and they started asking "are we staying with mom or dad tonight?" -type of questions. Kids cope so much easier than us parents, for sure. In november I finally moved to my new home which I purchased and all the kids started staying here with me or with their dad at his new home in december which he purchased. It was tough at first in deciding when are the kids gonna stay with their dad versus with me, how many nights would it be okay for them and when would they start missing the other parent. It took about a month and a half to get the hang of it and we actually wrote & signed a contract on how many nights they would stay and where. It's really helpful to have it all written down. 

But back to the original question, how are kids feeling about the fact they have two homes? The worst thing about it is that you don't see your both parents all the time. They miss their mommy or daddy a lot when they don't see the other one, and that's heartbreaking for sure. The other thing is that they have to have all the things from xbox to certain books and games to bikes and other important stuff in both homes. Just the other day my oldest son opened up to me and said he doesn't like this arrangement at all: his bike is at his dad's home when he's at his mom's home, and that bothers him a lot. I said I can always buy the same stuff to my home as well so we don't have to deal with this anymore. Good thing is that the oldest boys usually always leave my house happily to go to their dads, and vice versa - no more crying. I have a feeling they like to have different toys at these two homes and therefore it's always exciting to go to the other parents house. They are coping really well after all and I'm so proud of them. Making three kids happy (and staying sane yourself ;)) is a tricky thing to do but I think we're doing okay with my ex. 

Are we getting back together?

That's another interesting question and right now, I'm not so sure about it. We are doing a great job as parents and this co-parenting is working out for now but who knows it? I had really good reasons on filing for the divorce back in last august and I have this thing back in my head that it's better this way for our family. I know it would be better for our kids if parents were together and we've been spending a lot of weekends as a family and it's been going well. But I have to remember that we fought a lot because we just didn't see eye-to-eye on so many things from raising our kids to where we wanna live that I think it's better this way for now. Good thing about divorce is that you can basically consider it for a year. You have to apply for the second phase of it in one year and if you don't, your marriage is still on. Right now I don't know what to do. My ex already had an affair with another woman after I told him I want a divorce and I'm totally fine with that but then again I keep thinking, does he really wanna be with me if I let him be? I mean, there are certain trust issues. I didn't have an affair and I certainly haven't looked for anyone, that's not my style to "fly" from one relationship to another. Deep stuff going on here, and it's only tuesday ;)

But first lunch

Soooo..time to will tell, I guess. Marriage is hard, raising is to normal human beings is hard, divorce is hard..but should it even be easy?? That being said, I think it's time for lunch. I have food at home but if you don't, go and order yours from Wolt ("contains an ad"). They deliver it to your house so you don't need to worry about the pandemic. Finland is basically shut down so restaurants are closed and ordering in is the only way to get good food. And remember, by doing so you're helping the local restaurants to stay there while this shut down is on. I hope they're still on and running while we hopefully and eventually go back to normal someday. I miss the old days when I could have lunch with a friend!

Have a good one!